battle/peace

(Tuesday, August 28, 2007/6:38 PM)

transcendence
@amos: yeah you're relinked.

sometimes i hoped that things around might have not been that bad with me around.
but i guess it's the fate, the truth.

and i'm not prepared to give up yet.

(Thursday, August 23, 2007/8:35 PM)

unforeseen guilt
doh. blogger didn't work yesterday night so here's yesterday's post.

um.
well looks like i didn't blog on tuesday.
sometimes reveling in other things slowly piles the material want up.
until it all comes crashing down to reveal the product of what you did.

still in a blur.
i don't know how i'm supposed to keep this in.
until i want to really say it but.
oh well.

it's not heartbreak where you just get hit straight in the heart.
it's more the slicing of every sensitive part.
veins and blood vessels cut open one by one.
this kind of pain is invisible to some.

because the person whom i inflicted the pain on.
was so bloody kind and her heart went out so long.
just to run away and keep me from what mattered.
but can i talk to you about mooncakes and lanterns.

on a full moon night,
which marks one year in sight.
one year of my failure.

all this confusion,
thinking about how i brought this on you.
even if i manage to remember though,
there's nothing i can do.

i need some time to myself now.
thank you.

(Monday, August 20, 2007/10:26 PM)

important announcement
i'll blog tmr.

=P

(Saturday, August 18, 2007/10:48 PM)

apart...
...from a little crap here and there, everything's on the average side. ^^

Homework: Catching up, only 14 more exercises of maths to do! What an achievement! On Thursday I played till 1. Today I'm gonna WORK till 1. =O

Oh well, here comes dad. Back to work!

I still haven't released a selfish taint in me.
And in which this taint will never let us be.

Together.

(Wednesday, August 15, 2007/10:46 PM)

sometime
Friends are what makes CIP so fun when then work doesn't involve people.

So.
Today we were supposed to do pick-up-the-rubbish CIP. Mr. See gave us a really really really long route: All the way to the back of the ib and around the old block back gate to the front. And he said leaves counted. I can't remember how many drains I pried open.

As we were picking lots of tissues with who-knows-what in them along the road (everyone who parks there is inconsiderate, tsk) and wandering around throwing dirt balls at air-conditioning vents (that was kee), some cleaning auntie called me upstairs. Found lots of weird jumbles of (definitely rotting) stuff in a cardboard box. Oh cool, big haul. Shove everything that was on the floor into the box. I was looking at the paint tin and pried the stick out. The whole tin was dried up except for the bottom because I felt the construction workers didn't do too good a job painting a part of the adjacent wall so I decided to help using a stick and a chunk of dried paint with wet paint on the end as my brush.

And then we continue on our route, picking up this and that. And then.
I see in front of me.
A wheelbarrow.
With no wheel.

And so, thinking it would make the haul EVEN bigger. We pick it up.
And for the rest of that half an hour I walked with an immense backache as I became the "wheel".
We got there a trifle late.
Set down the wheelbarrow.
And continued to do 50 pushups with my on-the-verge-of-snapping-into-two back, because Mr. See counted 10 pieces of unpicked rubbish from the other groups.
Finish already, dump the stuff.
Wheelbarrow rocks.
My back, well, still aches abit.

But that's the joy sometimes.
Because that's what friendship is all about.
Happiness for Tiger Balm. ^^
Which I don't happen to have so.
Oww.

I'm hoping that sometime,
You'll come to me asking for better times.
And we'll look at each other to pass time.
I'll put your hand in mine and say "this time,"

"I'll get it right this time."

(Tuesday, August 14, 2007/8:24 PM)

Rewish
I'd like to cornily thank wikipedia for this.

Ching is gonna become a Psy. D!

And I'm gonna end up dying in Melweh's golf course in space!

Well maybe not, but that's how he wants me to think. (=

Hooray Hurrah Yipee.
A Psy. D I shall end up to be!

It was
A hundred degrees,
As we sat beneath
A willow tree.

(Monday, August 13, 2007/9:36 PM)

Interconnectivity
Oh well.
Nothing much to post.

Just time to maybe start the ol' brains again.
^^

SS test tmr.
Uh oh, didn't study.

Ah well,
Nice night.
And perhaps everything will end all right.
But I won't sit around and wait,
Because there is so much to hate
Myself for, so I must.
Improve.

The rhythm of my footsteps crossing
Flood lands to your door have been silenced,
Forever more.

The distance is quite simply
Much too far for me to row
It seems farther,
Than ever before.

(Sunday, August 12, 2007/3:26 PM)

Bangle
Well well well.

Tomorrow starts school. =/

Yesterday I bought all the replacements for spoilt things in 1 hour. =D

Meh, how random.
Nothing to say anyway.

^^

Oh my, my blog's first anniversary was 2 days back. =X
The fool is me.

(Friday, August 10, 2007/8:18 AM)

Organise
Great! Super long post to make. >.>

Wednesday:
(plus its affiliating thursday night)
Great, arrive at school.
We do drills. <.<
We do more drills.
More drills. Man. =.=
Drills finish. We go for dinner. Hor fun.
Finish dinner, go back to bunk (sec 1 class). I take the extra hor fun up.
In bunk, I jack up the tv. CSI yay.
CSI finish. It's 11. Go sleep.
Cannot sleep, everyone is bloody making noise.
Look at the National Flag. There's 2. >.>
Take 1 down and stare at it. Sasha takes it and starts posing with it 70% nude.
KT walks in when he's posing. =O
Finish posing, try to sleep.
They start grabbing leftover hor fun and eating. ><
Neil comes in, get pumped and lecture for making so much noise.
Cliff tries pouring water on Nick Chan. It ends up on me. =.=
Cannot sleep, so frigging cold and my sleeping bag is wet, so is half my body. ><
2:45am comes, "wake up".
Change and fall in.
Board bus.
Eat on bus.
Alight.
Draw rifle.
Wei En has a retaining pin lost. Look for it.
Cannot find. Board bus.
Get to stadium. Get some sleep (at least).
Damn thirsty. Go drink water from a tap.
More drills. More drills. More drills.
Form up at line.
Do we are supposed to do. March. =.=
March nicely ends up on the correct formation.
Take dressing. Finish.
Salute for Director of Board of Governors. <.< Finish.
Salute for Guest of Honour. Finish.
Salute for National Anthem. I shouted through it.
Wait for command to take pledge. Wait. Wait.
Command given. =.= Finish.
Tiam for inspection. Finish.
Sing School Anthem (I think).
Listen to National Day message. Surprisingly, it wasn't too long.
Listen to recollections. It wasn't long either.
Marchpast. It owned. Finish.
March out of stadium. Wait for bus.
Wait. Wait. ><
Bus comes. Board bus.
Arrive at HQ. Return rifle. Sea comes late so must wait again.
Board bus. Return to school.
Great, sec 1s who had class came in and messed the whole place up. People had money stolen, ipod stolen. Everything. I had my sleeping bag in the dustbin with last night's hor fun. Take 1 hour to figure everything out and turn buttons etc. in.
Neil praises us. Half-praises. Go home. After that, I slept the rest of the day.

Yesterday:
Stupid me.
At 12:30 I went to Fort Canning.
I arrived at Fort Canning at 12:56.
And sitting on the drain I see Paki and gang.
So I join them.
And after 1 hour, we get to go in.
I wandered about for half an hour.
Glanced and saw (blank).
The show started at 2:30.
Sat down somewhere at the back to watch The Great Spy Experiment.
They finished playing. It was about 3.
Wandered around.
3:30. One Buck Short.
4. They finished playing.
Apparently it took as long as the band to perform as it was to set up the stage for the next one.
4:30. Crowned King. I just happened to see _____ and her friends, so I just stood there near the front and watched. The band or her I can't remember.
5:30. Cobra Starship. I was still at the back doing nothing while Paki was in front.
6:30 The Academy Is. I went in front this time cause' I met up with Paki again. While they jumped I just stood there. They were carrying someone and he hit me in the head. And in turn my head hit Kane's. Then they moshed.
7:30 Gym Class Heroes. I sing the only song I knew and that was it. Girls in front wasted 1.5litres of water on their hair.
8:30 Avenged Sevenfold. I fell back to my original back seat and closed my eyes while the band played. Practically everyone was on their feet and in front just to watch them.
And then my mind started to wander.
I worried.
They kept calling for the crowd to move a few steps back so the people in front wouldn't get crushed.
More drumming.
I dreamt of the lead singer actually being able to see the lone idiot sitting at a cupola just stoning.
I dreamt that he'd ask me what was happening. Why I was just sitting down there.
I dreamt that I'd ask him a question.
"You're so popular that you draw basically everyone to you. So why can't I get the one I want? Just one?"
It just seemed that.
Everything was against me.
I shouldn't have came to this concert.
It was like internal war.
Amidst my own conscience.
I kept thinking of grabbing her hand and pulling her away.
And asking her why she acted like that.
But something inside told me.
I was selfish.
All I cared for was my own feelings.
Even worrying was just so that I could see her.
What a fool.
So I got up.
And went to see what I could do with my spare dollar of food coupon.
Then I heard someone call my name.
Turned around.
And then I saw her. She smiled at me.
Dumbstruck.
Reflex wove back.
Turned back.
Sighed silently in relief,
And thanked whoever might have been out there watching over Fort Canning.
That she was safe and sound.

The rest of that day was pretty mediocre.
Met up with Paki. We left early, at 11, the time it was supposed to finish.
He wanted to see MXPX.
I thought I'd seen enough.
Paki got the drumstick off The Great Spy Experiment.
Looked cool, but splintered.
Went to KFC.
Ate.
Took train home.
And slept.

I dreamt of alot of things through the night.
Mostly to do with her.
But one thing I can definitely remember.
Was when the lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold.
Gave me his answer.

"See kid."
"Sometimes it's not about getting what you want."
"It's about making sure that someone is happy."
"You know, full of joy and spunk."
"That's what it's all about."
"You give, and you expect nothing back."
"But you do get something back."
"And that smile is your miracle."
"You've already won your battle, kid."
"Now go out there and live life like you always did."

I cried shortly after.

(Sunday, August 05, 2007/9:40 AM)

Smarts
Still dizzy. ><

I didn't get what I wanted.
I got what I expected.
But I didn't expect this kind of feeling. >.>

But what can I say.
I'm so glad. ^^

And erm.
I wouldn't mind waiting for you.
Even if it took forever.

And in that forever,
I'll strive to be.
Someone who really deserves you.

So,
It's a promise. ^^

(Thursday, August 02, 2007/10:49 PM)

Socked
Melvin always asks me to blog abt friends etc. and not the timetable. >.> Well not like I have much to say anyway.

Just $80 dollars worth of tickets I intend to tear whilst performing. Interrupt all of them. It's just stupid if you don't mind me saying. =.=

Extortion, this...

Trudging through
The rustle of dry leaves.
He steps on one
And hears it crackle in the afternoon dust.

Almost there,
Ah there's the gate.
He walks the path on,
People cross roads and a chunk of spade.

Metal on ground,
Just preliminary sound.
That he didn't want
To hear.

While the sound of her voice,
Blocked out every other noise.
And made them move
To the rear.

Of this world,
And then back in front,
He'd stand by her,
And they'd just talk.

But in reality,
5 seconds was all he had.

And they passed by so fast you know?
All I wanted was just to look into your eyes forever.
But they were gone.
Gone before I ever knew they were even there.

Happy but sad. =/

(Wednesday, August 01, 2007/10:03 PM)

Sense
Knowing.
I don't know.
Understanding
I don't understand.
Realising.
I don't realise.
It's just so weird. ^^

And yes ruifen, continue. <.<
I just want to shout
Out the reason.
Because even if you're a mile away.
It'll light me up just
To see you.

And forward we go!